Mechanisms

We all have our own mechanisms. Or, maybe our defense mechanisms. In times of danger, or even in times of loneliness. We tend to do something for us not to lose our sanity, by holding to that small thread which connects us to people whom we think  we can’t live without.

I used to believe that being with them is the best thing forever. But then, when I leave, nobody noticed it. And worst, when I came back,  everything had gone wrong. Was it my fault? Did my absence made them realized that they don’t need me? Or, was it from the very beginning I am assuming that they had treated me special. That I am important. But then, in the end..I am just assuming.

I was never special.

I’m just so ordinary that I bore people.

What’s more hurtful is that I don’t even know where to place myself.

What else can I say….

I usually lie to myself. Thinking that everything is alright. That all those people who promised me a lot of things, are still there. But then, the truth is I’m alone. Nobody cares.

I miss you guys…really…